| With just three games of the season to go before kick off City made the relatively short trip to Staffordshire to take on Hednesford at their place for the first time in the best part of a decade. |
| Things have changed somewhat since our last visit as the Pitmen have left their old ramshackle ground with the foot high terrace steps and relocated to a superb yet surprisingly neglected new stadium at Keys Park. One City fan summed it up with these words... |
| "It is clearly the best stadium in the league, with excellent facilities and a football league grading. However, there was an air of the unloved about it for me for a newish stadium - weeds growing out of terracing behind the one goal, cladding that has already seen better days - roof joist rusting having apparently never been painted since it was built, a clubhouse which greets you with a roll of old carpet thrown in the entrance and a ceiling that has significant fluid damage (couldn't make up my mind if it was water coming down or beer going up!). As I said, a good ground, but could in truth be a lot better for a bit of TLC." |
| It wasn't all that had changed though as since my last visit houses had sprung up all around the area but as we drove though some of them it appeared that they were to accomodate the scores of gyppo's that were done rooting through the huge refuse tips surrounding the town. |
| One major bugbear of mine with some grounds is how clubs try to squeeze every penny out of supporters by charging them to park their cars. If they're going to stand and watch them then fine but I won't just pay for the sake of it so I just drove past the stewards collecting them money and I advise anyone else to do the same! |
| That goes for the programme too, where both Bath and Grantham have been scandalously expensive with just the content saving the Romans and as nice as the three identical although cropped slightly differently pictures of Lee Glover were they ought to both get along to Hednesford and pick up a copy of possibly the best example in the league (sorry Mike). Even though it felt like there were a number of pages missing the professional look that they gave the City page totally overawed our performance. |
Although I did laugh at the way they'd copied the pen pics word for word straight from the T-Ender website, even replicating the word "Ch#*tenham"!
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| Despite the programme listing over twenty players for City the truth was that we had little more than half of those available to take the field and whether they were fit enough to compete or not was a different matter altogether. Daryl Addis was widely expected to miss the game so it was a surprise to hear his name read out too quickly by a coarse Brummie accent over the ear piercingly loud tannoy. |
| Neil Mustoe and Lyndon Tompkins weren't available through suspension so Jamie Reid finally got another start whilst Andy Varnham continued up front as both youth teamers helped keep the average age of the team under twenty whilst Chris Burns must've felt old alongside his teenage charges. |
| City fans could've been forgiven for thinking that they were playing against a 'Lookalikes XI' and not Hednesford as judging by the pictures in the programme that's exactly what they were. Injured midfielder Carl Palmer bore a striking resemblence to ex-City man Mike Cook whilst forwards Andy Bell and Leon McSweeney could easily pass themselves off as Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard and Hollywood Star Micheal Keaton. |
| Having spent a short time in the bar before the game I detected a nasty smell but couldn't quite put my finger on the source before I'd beaten a hasty retreat to the much more pleasurable fresh air outside. Once the teams were read out it became apparent what the stench was, at number six for the home team was ex-scummer Lee Williams. |
| You'll remember that City beat the Pitmen 2-0 at Meadow Park a couple of months earlier so player manager Chris Brindley would've been keen to exact some sort of revenge on the Tigers and bang, it couldn't have happened any better for him as his team scored twice within the first five minutes. |
| City Captain Neil Griffiths, taking over the leadership duties from Mustoe and Lyndon's defensive role contributed to the opener as he slipped whilst trying to toe poke Willo's (ghey nickname alert) through ball out of harms way. Matt Bath was rooted to his spot as Bell soundly slotted home from six yards. |
| Unfortunately for Griff Joe Green managed to capture it all on video. It was Joe's fault that they'd scored so early because he'd earned bad karma in the McDonalds around the corner before the game when he shoved a eight year boy out of the way to get served first. |
If we thought that was bad then we were in for a nasty shock as virtually straight from the kick off the Pitmen cut through our defence again, somebody shouted "Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice" and McSweeney appeared unmarked to shoot across Bath and make it two.
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| And you know when things aren't going your way because Chris Thompson tried his best to make amends for the double whammy when he unlocked the Keys defence before laying it off to Dave Wilkinson who stabbed the ball past Ryan Young but the spoilsport with the flag indicated that he was offside. |
| With Brindley being more than a handful up front and Hednesford looking likely to score at any moment City's heads didn't drop and they continued to try to find a way back into the game. Good work on the left from Varnham saw Wilko get just under his cross and head it over then a never say die effort from Lee Smith to get in a cross from the other side was headed behind with the City number eleven looking to nod it in himself. |
| City's defence were at sixes and sevens and Marvin Thompson was vulnerable with Jamie Reid struggling to make any kind of impact on the game in front of him. The former Whaddon*sh*ite made room between the pair of them and tried his luck from an acute angle but for once Bath was equal to the effort. |
| It didn't last long though as the home side struck again. Chris Burns was twice called into to action to try to head clear a long throw but it never went further than comfortable shooting distance and despite Taff Compton's exasperating shout of "aww, get it out" it was never cleared and Brindley fired it across Bath much to the delight of the home fans. |
| Shell shocked but still with some hope City pressed but nothing came of their efforts and as these things go it wasn't too long before Hednesford had the ball in City's net again. |
| Before we go to the goal, something that's always bugged me is how you pronunced "Hednesford". I've heard people refer to it as "head-ness-furred", "hens-furred", "he-duns-furred" and "pikey-hell", so what is it? If any locals reading this can elaborate I'd appreciate it. |
Now where were we? Oh yeah, the ginger defender rose unmarked to head a corner in and it was four. But it didn't really matter because those City fans present had long since stopped feeling the hurt of an opposition goal and were now impervious to the pain in the same way that Hulk Hogan used to be when he was wresting in front of thousands of screaming rednecks.
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| It was a case of how many and how often now as the City goal was threatened again when Bath's feet were swallowed by the pitch rendering him motionless as a header looped just above and wide of the junction of post and crossbar. |
| City continued to look interested though and a rare shot from Tom Webb was deflected just wide by a defender but the keeper made light work of his corner. That said, some of the City fans did remark how some of Webb's set pieces were an improvemnet on the previous week... |
| Andy Bell, the Blackburn based scorer of the opening goal managed to get one more shot in before he succumbed to injury and made way for Paul McMahon. I thought these Northerners were supposed to be tough?!! |
| Although the personell change hardly affected the flow of traffic and the ginger nut headed over after Brindley had picked up the pieces when City again could only half clear a corner. The small group of home fans in the seats in the away end were enjoying it though and just like Big Daddy at Rickmansworth Town Hall on a 1970's Saturday dinnertime began to chant "Easy, Easy" in anticipation of more glory. |
| Little did they realise that they'd have no more goals to cheer so at least we had some pleasure knowing that they'd suffer for the last hour as we had for the first thirty minutes. |
| Fresh from his sending off for the youth team on Monday night Andy Varnham was lucky not to get a lecture from the referee as he tripped goalkeeper Young when he ran out after breaking up a City attack. The teenage striker did try to do something more creative though and Wilko almost got on the end of his low cross but the defender might wish that he hadn't got their first as the City top scorer crashed into him like a train hitting a cow. Luckily for Wilko the referee didn't see it! |
| According to those folks behind the goal Griff should've turned in Lee Smith's twenty yard shot when a corner was cleared to the City wing back but we did get one back on the stroke of half time when Wilko antcipated a throw and angled his way into the box before curling the ball around the keeper, off the far post and it ran kindly for him to tap it in from a foot out. |
However there were no celebrations, just a quick retrieval of the ball.
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| How times change eh? I still remember Mark Boyland's 119th minute winner in the Larchimage Windows Cup at the Cross Keys in the early to mid nineties when he stabbed the ball past the stereotype Scouse "eh, eh, eh" keeper and the substituted Karl Bayliss, attired in a bath towel, appeared at the changing room door (which looked out onto the pitch), revealed himself and shouted "suck on this Boylo". Team spirit! |
| There was little that Burnsy could do at half time to make a difference as his squad was running on empty as it was although to their credit they came out fighting and enjoyed a good few minutes of possession albeit without really looking like scoring. |
| Hednesford were always a threat though and a weak clearance from the corner by Bath left an open goal that would've seen a fifth for the home team had their man not shot as though his laces were tied together. |
| Though, that said I don't think we were really in danger of conceeding again as the Pitmen showed a more cynical edge to their game as City got on top. Their player was lucky to escape without a caution when he chopped Marvin from behind and they were kicking the ball away after every whistle, annoyingly without action from the referee. |
| City made a change with less than ten minutes of the half gone when Daryl Addis, clearly not fit and not posing any threat to Young's goal was replaced by another of the walking wounded, Jimmy Cox with a strapped up knee. |
| Fate seems to be against Andy Varnham scoring for the senior team following his criminally ruled effort in the League Cup against Paulton in January. This time a free kick came to him via Griff and Wilko but just as he cocked his leg to shoot the ball bobbled on one of the ruts across the middle of th pitch and he ended up doing a Matrix style kick rather than celebrating. Hednesford (and the pitch) still led by four goals to one. |
More bad luck followed when Cox almost scored a farewell goal when he shot after Varnham had touched on Smith's cross, but as ever it was deflected and a defender stopped it on the line before the keeper dived on the 'backpass'.
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| Keith Knight came on for the final twenty of so minutes as Jamie Reid, who had struggled to keep his head above water left the field. The City assistant boss had hardly been on the field when he got into a tangle with a Hednesford player and even seemed to throw an arm straight into the referee's kisser as he strode in to break it up. He got off lightly with a booking. |
| The Pitmen's forwards had been going through the motions for large periods of the second half but came close to a fifth when Bath had to turn a looping header away from the top of the post. They then made their second change of the afternoon when their 'Chris Burns' (Brindley) took a well earned rest and was replaced by Wheel of Fortune host Nicky Campbell. |
| Back to the interesting end and Chris Thompson found Lee Smith unmarked on the far side and despite having time to pick his spot he shot straight at the keeper. That pretty much summed up our day. |
| Another major disappointment was the lack of obvious involvement from McSweeney and I sit here with a list of Micheal Keaton character's that I haven't referred to him as. The Batman lookalike did however earn himself a caution as from a horizontal position following a tackle the play came back past him and he sprung to his feet and "biff", bash", "kerplunked" and "whammoed" into Thommo who was innocently running past. |
| Fortunately results went our way as Hemel are the only team likely to catch us and they lost at Bath. If they lose just one of their remaining three game we are mathematically safe and will look forward to another season of struggle. |
| One thing to smile about though, Forest Green were relegated today! |
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| Tiger Roar Man of the Match - Chris Burns |
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Chris Burns
Star Man |
I know it seems ridiculous calling a defender "star man" after the defence couldn't of been accused of defending against Hednesford but Chris was as comitted as ever despite City letting 'em in two at a time. The Gaffer also had a good tussle with his counterpart Chris Brindley as two old heads came together on more than one occasion.
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